Friday, 6 May 2011

Friday = cake day, this was meant to get published in a Polish zine, but I don't think it ever came out, so here's my tried and tested super easy brownie recipe for your cake scoffing pleasure.


Hey kids, Ploppy Pants here with more hints and tips to help you enjoy your non-stop fun filled DIY lifestyle! Ok, as everyone knows, there is nothing more DIY or punk fucking rock than shitting your pants, but in order to make sure you can fill your dung hampers up good and proper you need a full stomach. It’s also common knowledge that chocolate brownies are the most punk-tastic lip-smacking body-fattening jobby ammunition know to man, and so this issue I offer you, dear reader, my quick and easy chocolate brownie recipe!

Stuff wot ya need:

250g flour

200g brown sugar

65g cocoa powder

1tsp baking powder

1tsp cinnamon

tsp salt

225ml water

225ml soy milk

150g vegan margarine

10ml vanilla extract

A baking tray (mine is about 9” x 13” - ooh er missus etc!)

An oven

A brain

How ya does it:

  1. Wash you hands you crusty fucker.
  2. Stick the oven on at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
  3. Mix all the dry stuff together in a bowl.
  4. Melt the margarine and add together with the soy milk, water and vanilla extract, give it a good old mix up till there’s no lump bits and pour into yer baking tray.
  5. Shove it in the oven for 25/30 minutes till the top is no longer shiny, it’ll take ya 5 minutes to do the dishes leaving another 20 for you to post on facebook about what a bad-ass baker you are.
  6. let the brownie cool 10 mins before cutting into squares
  7. Eat brownies until you feel sick and launch a barrage of explosive skitters into your wips.

So there ya have it kids, you maybe don’t even need a brain for this one. Guaranteed to increase your popularity with the opposite sex and keep you running back and forward to the shitter for the next 2 weeks, these sugary snack are about as DIY as it gets. 100% vegan too, and as everyone knows vegans make better lovers (if you need a demonstration get in touch) – enjoy!